Passion For Christ

I've read a lot of books on it. A lot of good books on a Passion for Christ and the Cross. And it something I care about and want to develop.

But being an adult in America is it's own animal. So much of our lives are making ends meet. Working, cooking, cleaning (okay, so not cooking). But doing the things that would make us responsible parents, citizens, homeowners, employees, and neighbors.

I know everyone's calling will be somewhat different, but generally, what does Passion for Christ look like in 2010? Does Passion for Christ mean spending all my time in the Word of God, or would it take an hour every day to exercise? Does Passion for Christ eat out twice a week? once a week? or does it live on beans and rice and give the rest to missions? Would it go door-to-door on Sunday afternoons or would it lay its weary head on a pillow and close its eyes? Would it shop at Dillards, Goodwill, or wear the same thing every day? Does it eat carrots, brownies, or nothing at all?

These are perhaps dumb questions, but my point is, what do I do practically and consistently to show that Christ is the center and the motivating drive of my life? How is and should my life be different than a nice person who doesn't care about God at all... Because there are already plenty of those in this world and I'm afraid I blend in sometimes.

Recently, something happened that made me angry. Very angry. And it reminded me of a lot of other things that have made me very angry. And the person who in my mind was responsible wasn't sorry at all. I was hurt and miserable and they went their way whistling, convinced that they did a noble thing, when really (permit me to be a bit of a drama queen here) they had absolutely devastated me. There is nothing in all of the world like the feeling that you worked your heart out for something and you got the exact opposite.

So, anyway, I was hurt. And I was angry. And I just kind of let it fester. And every time I took some baby steps toward trying to reconcile, it seems like I would be given even more reason to be angry.

I did something I shouldn't have done, and I went to bed angry. Actually, I wasn't really angry, I was just hurt and I wanted to make sure they understood that. Of course, they didn't care and that made me want to be angry, but I wasn't angry.

The next morning, I spent some serious time with my Bible and got convicted that I needed to forgive and move on. And I knew I would, but first I wanted that person to understand how wrong they were and how bad it hurt. And the more I thought about it, I also wanted them to know that this was all their fault because I was pretty sure that they thought it was mine, but it wasn't.

I went back and forth between my Bible and letting the situation stew in my head. This person surely did not deserve forgiveness. They didn't think they had done anything wrong. They had done it before and will do it again. Maybe I should just move to Australia.

Passion for Christ forgives. For some reason, that statement jumped into my head right in the middle of my debate, kind of like a whistle ending the play that you thought was going to be a score. I may not know what Passion for Christ eats, wears, or shops, but I know that it forgives.

Oh really? Well, obviously, this situation is different. This person just blames me for everything. I'm always misunderstood. And this time, I just wish they would understand for once. I just wish they would act like they care. I just want to explain to them first why what they said hurt.

Passion for Christ forgives.

Well, it isn't really something I need to forgive for. They obviously don't think so. They think they did everything perfectly right and that I'm the dirty rotten sinner...yeah, I know...but they're wrong. They're just wrong.

Well, if they're wrong, then you need to forgive. Passion for Christ forgives.

It slowly sunk in to my dense brain, it really wasn't about what the other person thought or if they thought about it at all. The point is that as a child of God, I'm not permitted to carry grudges. End of story. Passion for Christ says, "Yes, Lord." And it obeys completely.

Forgiveness meant I couldn't dwell on it anymore. I couldn't keep blaming them. I couldn't try to make them be sorry. I had to let the feeling that they didn't deserve to be forgiven go. It really had nothing to do with them. This was between the Lord and me and I just needed to do what He said.

I apologized for my attitude and not to my surprise, the other person said a few things to make sure I knew it was my fault and that I was unreasonable. Maybe they're right, but either way, they are forgiven.

Passion for Christ. I guess the questions I should have been asking were am I listening to my Lord or do I have to be hit over the head with direction from God? Am I obedient or do I go down kicking and screaming? Do I obey immediately or do I have to have my say first?

Passion for Christ is so practical. It has everything to do with how I live now. But perhaps it is not as visible as I thought it would be. Most people have no idea how strong-willed I was naturally. And as I--hopefully--become more obedient to the Lord's will, most people will have no idea of the battles that were fought along the way. But whether or not it is recognized or even misunderstood, our job is to continue to be obedient to Christ. And perhaps as we become invisible, He will become more visible to those around us.